just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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