oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
