she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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