i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
