What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
