woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
