Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
