just tell him i said nine months
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
