Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
