Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
