I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
