please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
