I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I am one with the molecules
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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