I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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