I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
