Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
