I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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