there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
