I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
