They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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