It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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