i need an iv and a liver transplant
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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