i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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