Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
