you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
