the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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