Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
