What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
