she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
