It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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