I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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