Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
