And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
