shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
