i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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