i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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