Just fell off a train. Bad.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
