Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
