so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she pinky promised me she was 18
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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