dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
