Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
