Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
