Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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