flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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