alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
