You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
