I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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