I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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