Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
