After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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