you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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