I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
