i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
