i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
