I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
